


I’m Sorry that it Took so Long for me to Change

by Inkribbon796



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attack, Self-Esteem Issues, When you ship LAMP there is always room for Analogical vibes, analogical - Freeform, fluff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:54:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkribbon796/pseuds/Inkribbon796
Summary: Logan gives Virgil some calming words. Set after: Are There Healthy Distractions.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 109





	I’m Sorry that it Took so Long for me to Change

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from: Who I am Hates Who I’ve Been by Relient K. I used it because this song has Virgil vibes.

Virgil was lying on the counter. Roman and Patton were off in the Imagination, doing whatever adventures they wanted while Virgil stewed. He was demolishing a bag of Lays, knowing that in about a half-hour he was going to regret it but that was a problem for future Virgil to solve.

In the moment, his thinly veiled apology to Thomas had been playing on repeat. Yeah, Thomas had said they were still friends, but what if he meant that only about Rico? Virgil had been a bad guy, a villain. He’d ruined countless parties and social engagements, kept Thomas from taking opportunities that could have made him rich and famous. It could have been the thing to make Deceit, Roman, and Remus happy.

A train of thought that was made worse when he remembered all his frantic thinking was probably making Thomas anxious when he needed to do other stuff far more important.

“Virgil?” Logan called out.

“Shit,” Virgil hissed under his breath, “what?”

“You seem distressed,” Logan commented, adjusting his glasses. “Perhaps I could be of some assistance?”

Virgil propped himself up on one forearm and craned his neck back to look at Logan. “Yeah, you can rewind time to when Thomas was fourteen and keep him from getting anxiety in the first place.”

“Impossible and inadvisable,” Logan adjusted his glasses. “As time travel has not been discovered yet and you would not be nearly the Side you are now.”

“Yeah, that’s the point,” Virgil grumbled.

“Is this still about the party?” Logan asked. “I thought we had come to an understanding about it.”

“Yeah that understanding is that I ruined a perfectly good night,” Virgil scoffed. “Not the first time.”

“I don’t understand,” Logan commented, coming to stand on the other side of the counter. Virgil was quietly grateful for it so he didn’t have to keep cranking his neck. “Thomas had fun rewriting Frozen.”

“Yeah, but he could’ve had fun at the party too if I didn’t take over, I am pretty sure everyone around us could hear us shouting at each other,” Virgil commented.

“Yes, undoubtedly someone did,” Logan agreed.

Virgil groaned loudly, starting to pull his hoodie down.

“But if you had not reacted, I am more than certain Roman or Patton would have said something,” Logan reported.

“Oh yeah,” Virgil rolled his eyes, his words partially muffled by his hood as he pulled it closed. “Cause Patt’s a real wordsmith.”

“While he may not be as confrontational as you or I,” Logan reminded, “when pressed he is more than capable of arguing his point and winning.”

Virgil just made a frustrated groan. Logan for awhile just watched him, clearly trying to think of something. Finally the silence got to. Virgil first. “He hates me.”

“Who?” Logan asked.

“Thomas,” Virgil groaned. “I ruin everything.”

“Did Thomas tell you that?” Logan asked calmly.

Virgil didn’t answer, pulling on the strings even tighter.

Logan took the long minute-long silence as his answer. “Perhaps it would be best to ask Thomas directly instead of deciding on a conclusion.”

Virgil went quiet again. Logan leaned on the counter, “Virgil, please, could you explain how you reached the conclusion that Thomas hates you?”

Angrily, the anxious Side pulled open his hood to directly glare at Logan. “Geez Lo, you want that chronologically or in order of how bad it was?”

“I don’t follow,” Logan looked confused. “Thomas has accepted you as a vital part of his personality, he has on numerous occasions listened to your advice.”

“Only cause I scream louder than you,” Virgil countered. “I’ve always done that.”

“Sometimes your _“screaming”_ as you inadequately put it, has saved his life. You ensure he checks the apartment is locked before leaving for the store. That he checks the expiration date on the milk before he drinks it. That he regularly cleans out rotten food that could contaminate clean food. Thomas takes the time to listen to your urgings.”

“Yeah,” Virgil sat up, pent up from his racing mind and the fact that Logan was just as blind to what Virgil was as Patton had always been. “Then why do I keep him up at night when he desperately needs to sleep? Or keep him from talking to people when he goes to a party? Remus wouldn’t have hit him as hard as he did if I hadn’t kept him awake all night.”

“You were not alone in that,” Logan urged. “Patton was just as worried.”

“I made it worse!” Virgil argued. “I always make things worse. I can’t do anything but make it worse!”

“Why do you insist on shouldering the blame for every decision Thomas makes? We are a team, we help him evaluate his choices, but in the end _Thomas_ is the one who has the final say.”

“No,” Virgil spat. “You three help him, I’m just the parasite leeching off you guys. I’m the bad guy.”

“You are not _“the bad guy”_ you are one of us,” Logan reinforced. “Just because you were erroneously classified when you were discovered, doesn’t make you any more of an antagonist than the rest of us.”

“I’m a Dark Side, I can’t be anything other than the bad guy!” Virgil shouted, the room darkening.

Virgil flinched at how loud he had gotten, realizing that he was crying. His brain filling with static as Thomas’s anxiety pitched up.

Internally Virgil began to spiral, Thomas felt confused, his hindbrain trying to find the source of danger but couldn’t find it because it didn’t exist and Virgil was making it all up because—

“Virgil,” Logan interrupted.

The dark static cleared a bit as Virgil whimpered.

“When will you realize that you are not the odious ne’er-do-well you paint yourself to be?” Logan pleaded. “Thomas always knew, everyone did. Roman partially told him when Thomas began to accept you.”

“He did?” Virgil croaked out, his voice sore from crying.

“He did lump you in with the others,” Logan reminded. “By virtue of that, if you were in the company of Deceit and Remus, you had to be a _“Dark Side”_ as Roman put it. Everyone knew of your origin, you were not exactly secretive.”

“Oh,” Virgil commented lamely.

“He does not hate you,” Logan tried to explain. “If you still do not believe me you could always ask Thomas himself. He is more than willing to listen to you when you have an issue to bring up. Even if he doesn’t heed all your advice he listens. Which is more than Deceit or Remus can say.”

Virgil looked down at his hands, “Why didn’t he say something?”

“Probably for the same reason he has never forced one of our preferred names out of us,” Logan answered. “He waits for us to come to him. A bit of a passive choice on his end but I know you and Deceit value your privacy.”

Virgil looked down at his hands, his mind zeroing in on the dirt, the way his nails looked uneven, and the hangnails around it. He was already starting to bring his hands up to his mouth when Logan was speaking again.

“Perhaps we should watch a movie, Thomas is not too busy right now,” Logan suggested.

“Yeah, cause that really worked last time,” Virgil grumbled while starting to bite around one of his nails.

“I believe there is a possibility I could be coerced into watching Gravity Falls again, specific episodes are very charming and I do know that you like all the cryptids in that show.”

Virgil’s mood perked up a little, “Grunkle Stan is pretty cool.”

Logan offered his hand and Virgil jumped down from the counter, walking over with Logan to the couch as Thomas was already settling in to have Gravity Falls in the background of whatever he was working on. Virgil’s mood was improving little by little.


End file.
